Compassion
One of the questions I ask myself often is: Is my practice supporting my ability to be kind?
And honestly, if our practice isn’t helping us cultivate compassion and kindness towards ourselves and others, we have to question whether it is a yoga practice at all.
Ahimsa, non-violence, is a condition set out in pretty much every spiritual practice there is, including yoga. Patanjali included ahimsa in his 8 limbs of yoga, it was at the heart of the Buddha’s teachings and many modern day figures including Mahatma Gandi, Martin Luther King and Mother Teresa all lived by the principals of ahimsa.
The wonderful book by Charlie Mackesy “The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse” puts it perfectly when the little boy is asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and he responds with “Kind”. Such a profound answer that reminds us how simple life can be if we allow kindness to be our guiding light.
When I started to learn about ahimsa, I read about how it includes not only our actions, but also our words and even our thoughts. At first I thought, I’m not a violent person, but as I started to dive more deeply, I realised that I was often negative, judgemental and critical of myself and others through the words I spoke. There is a principal often discussed in yoga that we should only tell the truth through the lens of compassion - there were many occasions where I spread rumours or gossip, justifying myself by saying “well it’s all true” but in reality, the words were not kind and on more than one occasion I caused others suffering due to my careless speech.
Ahimsa also includes non-violence in our thoughts and this was where I was truly horrified to see the level of violence I was experiencing every single day in my own mind. I always believed that the voice in my head was just who I was, that I couldn’t change it and I felt like a horrible person because of how dark my thoughts could be. Learning in yoga that I am not my thoughts was a shock to me and took me a long time to understand.
I remember listening to a story about a Western Buddhist teacher trying to explain the concept of self-hatred to the Dalai Lama. It was difficult for the Dalai Lama to understand because in Tibetan language there is no word for it - it is not something commonly experienced in Tibetan culture. He was shocked that so many Westerners experience self hatred. Hearing this made me realise that there are other ways to live…that there is a possibility of living in a mind that wasn’t constantly berating, criticising and judging. I knew I wanted to learn more about this path of compassion.
When we start to notice our own patterns of violence, whether through actions, words or thoughts, we can start the practice of compassion straight away by not judging ourselves harshly. Behaviours and habits take time to rewire and we all have to start somewhere. Practises like loving kindness and compassionate awareness have helped me immensely in breaking down old habits and planting the seeds for how I want to show up in the world.
Every day we have the opportunity to practise kindness. It could be the way we speak to ourselves; it could be the way we speak to our family, friends and colleagues, or it could be the interactions we have with strangers whilst out for a walk, doing our shopping or eating out. It could be through conscious consumption, volunteering, helping out in the community, activism, standing up for those who are suffering or perhaps choosing to follow a vegan or vegetarian diet.
Living with a compassionate heart does not always mean being gentle or soft. Sometimes fierce compassion is what is needed. It takes great courage to look at suffering, whether it’s our own or someone else’s, and be able to respond appropriately. I remember my counsellor explaining to me when I was really struggling with over-eating that being compassionate didn’t mean allowing myself to binge. It meant holding the intense desire to binge, the shame, the guilt, the self-hatred with compassion. Holding myself in that struggle and speaking to myself in the same way I would speak to a friend going through the same situation. And when binges happened (which they did regularly as I tried to break the habit), to hold myself in compassion after - to really sit with all that I was feeling. Slowly, overtime my patterns shifted…
By setting the intention to be kind first thing in the morning, it can be fun to look for moments throughout the day where we can offer kindness. Not only does this improve the lives of others, it also has a huge impact on our own experience of life and can help to build our confidence.
Yoga offers the perfect practise ground for cultivating compassion. We can start or end our practice with phrases of loving kindness like:
May you be happy.
May you be free from suffering.
May you live with ease and joy.
We can send these phrases to ourselves or others, as well as to all beings everywhere.
Compassion grows within us when we surround ourselves with people who embody this quality. Coretta Scott King said “The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.” So finding a community that aligns with your values can help immensely.
In a world that is so full of suffering, one of the greatest gifts we can offer is compassion. When we understand the truth that all beings suffer perhaps we can allow that to open our hearts - to be more compassionate, more loving and allow kindness to be our guiding light.