Acceptance

Every time we step onto our yoga mat is an opportunity to cultivate acceptance. Learning how to sit with what is rather than ignoring, avoiding, distracting or running away from our current circumstances. Before practising yoga, I can’t think of a time when I did this! As soon as I started to feel uncomfortable emotions like shame or embarrassment, anger or sadness I would desperately want to escape from these feelings. For me, this led to a number of destructive behaviours including binge eating, bulimia, binge drinking, smoking and drug use. These behaviours would alleviate the pain in the short term, but in the long term the guilt, shame and utter despair would return with a vengeance and I ended up in a downward spiral that felt impossible to escape.

I came across a podcast called “Be Ultimate” by Travis Eliot which discussed many aspects of yoga philosophy in a modern and accessible way. One of the first things I heard that has stuck with me was the idea that you are not your thoughts. This was a completely new concept to me…at the time my thoughts were incredibly destructive, malicious and self hating. I wanted to escape my own mind because it was such a dark place to be. But when I was able to look into my own mind and accept that those horrible, negative thoughts were there but they weren’t me, things started to change. I was no longer running away, I was showing up for the experience I was having in the present moment.

I also learnt about the practices of Ahimsa (Non violence) and Satya (Truth) - I learned how to look at myself with compassion and honesty and this was part of a gradual process of acceptance. Each of us has the ability to be kind or cruel, generous or selfish, spread love or hate. When we see ourselves clearly - the good, the bad and the ugly we can start to make choices about how we want to show up in the world.

Carl Rogers said “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” 

In my own experience, this is completely true. I have overcome many addictions but it was only when I accepted myself as I was that change started to happen.

The practice of acceptance can start on our yoga mat. When you are in a pose do you notice yourself trying to escape or want to move on? Can you fully let go and accept just simply being in it, especially when it’s uncomfortable? Do you notice yourself trying to force beyond your capabilities? Can you learn to accept this is where you are today and not push or force? Each pose is an opportunity to learn, to grow and to accept ourselves fully and completely in the present moment.

By practising acceptance on our yoga mat, we set the groundwork for acceptance in our lives too. Accepting ourselves is a great place to start but can we also learn to accept others as they are? How often do we hear people blame others for the things that are wrong in their lives? Empathy is vital if we want to live in harmony with other human beings. When someone does something hurtful or irritating, I try to remember that they are who they are because of the circumstances of their life. If I had lived their life, perhaps I would have their same perspective and act in the way they did. Accepting others as they are doesn’t mean that we allow ourselves to be treated badly. In fact, it’s quite the opposite - by accepting others fully and completely, we can make conscious decisions about how we are going to respond to them. Sometimes that means walking away from an abusive situation or setting boundaries that keep us safe.

And finally, can we accept life as it is? Again, this doesn’t mean we have to like it. It doesn’t mean we can’t fight for a better world. But it does mean that we look at the world as it is. The beauty and the destruction, the joy and the pain, the love and the cruelty. As William Shakespeare said “There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Each day brings new life, new opportunities, new perspectives. If we can accept the pain, the grief, the sadness we can also welcome the joy, the gratitude and the beauty.

Acceptance is something we can integrate into each and every day, each and every moment. There are many moments where I find myself fighting against the flow of life - in these moments there is an opportunity for growth, choosing to let go. Eckhart Tolle said “Life is the dancer and you are the dance.” The question is can we let go enough to allow life to lead us?