Confidence
How many of us hold back from following our dreams because we lack confidence?
As a teenager and young adult I massively lacked confidence. I had this voice in my head telling me every single day that I wasn’t good enough, that I would never be good enough, so why even bother trying. Even when I did well at something, I would always be comparing myself to someone who did better and would spend so much time in my head criticising and judging myself. This negative self talk made my life a misery - I moved to different places, tried different jobs, made new friends but where ever I went this inner critic went with me and was like a dark cloud always hanging over me.
When I started learning yoga philosophy, I came across a practice called “Pratipaksha Bhavana” (Yoga Sutras 2.33). It translates to “cultivating the opposite”. At first, it seemed too good to be true. Surely something as simple as turning a negative thought into a positive one couldn’t really change my experience of life?! But as I started to become more skilled at watching my thoughts (rather than identifying with them), I realised all the thoughts I was having were variations of “I’m not good enough” - “I’m not skinny enough, clever enough, tall enough, kind enough, fun enough, grateful enough….and on and on…” or I would worry about what others would think about the way I looked, the way I spoke, what I said, what I did, how much I ate - it all came back to feeling judged by others and not being enough as I was.
I realised that I had nothing to lose by trying this practice of cultivating the opposite and seeing what happened. I chose the affirmation “I am more than enough exactly as I am” and I would repeat this as often as I could - every time I noticed the negative thoughts come up. Sometimes I would literally shout the words out loud to drown out the very noisy inner critic. At first, I felt stupid, my mind would tell me this was a waste of time, you can’t change who you are so why bother? But as I stuck with this practice for days and weeks, I did start to notice a shift. I did feel more comfortable in my own head and that inner voice did seem to be getting a little kinder and more accepting. I know now from reading about the neuroscience of the brain that we really CAN change our thoughts and that working with affirmations is a very effective practice in creating new neuro pathways. We can literally teach our brain to be more positive. If you are new to this, why not check out my affirmation meditation below:
PRACTISE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS WITH ME!
Practising yoga has given me so much confidence, and it’s taught me how to rely on my own internal compass rather than the opinions and perspectives of others. Here are some of the ways yoga has helped me build my confidence and maybe it can help you too!
Showing up for yourself on a regular basis. Every time we step on our mat, we are reinforcing to ourselves that we matter. That this body, this mind, this heart are worth looking after. Tapas is a practise in yoga which means discipline. It is the ability to show up for practice even when we don’t want to - in fact it’s often those days that feel incredibly difficult that offer us the best opportunity for growth. I have found that the promises that are most important to keep are the ones we make to ourselves - this is how we learn to trust ourselves deeply.
The only way we get better at anything is through repetition. Practising yoga has taught me that if we repeat a practise over and over and over again, we get better at it. Instead of saying to myself “I’m rubbish at….”, instead I say “If I keep practising, I will get better”. As Aristotle tells us “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
Yoga teaches us how to put our attention on what we are doing right now and let go of the outcome. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells Arjuna “Do your duty, but do not concern yourself with the results. We have the right to do our duty, but the results are not dependent only upon our efforts.” When we are able to focus on the intention and effort of what we are doing right now and stop worrying about the end result, life becomes a whole lot more enjoyable!
Our thoughts are not fact and we have a choice not to believe them! This is something that comes up a lot for me and something I have to constantly be monitoring to ensure I don’t fall back into self doubt and judgement. The practice of Pratipaksha Bhavana, as described above has been incredibly helpful in rewiring my brain and helping me feel more confident.
Meditating or practising yoga gives us time away from the constant noise of the modern world. The reality is that ‘out there’ there is always someone trying to sell you something! Think about all the advertising we are exposed to every single day - through television, radio, social media, apps or games, window displays or bus stops as we walk through town - the list is endless. Marketing wants you to feel like you are not enough and that you need this new bit of tech, piece of clothing, holiday, appliance etc to make you feel whole again. When we meditate or practise yoga, we remember who we really are, we realise we don’t need any of that stuff because we have everything we need right here in the present moment.
Yoga reminds us of what a precious and rare gift it is to have a human life. To have a body, a mind, a heart and to be able to experience all of life. It teaches us to embrace our uniqueness and to honour all beings everywhere because we are all divine. As the wonderful poet Hafiz said “I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.”
I hope you have found some inspiration here to help you live your dreams with confidence and courage and most of all with LOVE xxx